Why no one did tell me that ” It would be like this?” I was crying while asking this to my mom.

She replied calmly ” This is nothing ma.. Haven’t you awake the whole night for your university exams in college days? Now think this is also an exam.”

I seriously didn’t know how I awoke the entire night for my university exams. But now I couldn’t do it at all. Maybe it because of the weakness after the delivery. Or the postpartum depression due to hormones. But simply I couldn’t, and I was crying. All I wanted was a 2 hours undisturbed sleep. 

It was the first day at our home with ‘sh1′. We brought him from the hospital that evening. He was asleep up to 9 o’clock. Suddenly at 9 o’ clock, he started crying. So I fed him and made him burp. When he slept, I put him in bed and begun to sleep beside him. Within exactly 1 hour he cried again. We changed his soiled diaper, and again I fed him and made him burp and he slept. Within one and half hour he cried again. And the cycle continued. For the whole night me, my mom and ‘sh1’ didn’t sleep at all. It was the 30 mins or sometimes more than 30 mins nap only. At early morning 5 o ‘clock I was drained out of all my energy.  And the weakness made me cry. I never expected my first day at home with my lovely baby would be like this.

And the following days were the same. ‘sh1’ was a night bird and so he used to sleep peacefully at day time irrespective of all the sounds. He hadn’t woken even when the guests were holding him. But during night hours, He hadn’t slept more than two hours. Every two hours once he woke up either to be fed or to be changed. And sometimes he was playing with the night lamp light. 😦

Me on the other hand, trying to sleep when the baby was sleeping. But couldn’t. The minute I was into my dreamland someone would knock the room door by saying “so & so came to visit the baby and me.” “Or food is ready. Eat it before you sleep “. Or “take a bath and be ready. So & so is on their way, Just now they called”.

That was the time I decided not to visit any newborn in his first month. Believe me the mom and baby would appreciate that.

It was exhausting. I never missed my sleep like that before. True as my mom said I awoke the whole night for my exams. But that was just for a day. After the exam was over, that night itself, I used to compensate it by sleeping more than 12 hours.But  Nothing like this.

And after one and half weeks he was crying without any reason for hours. Couldn’t pacify him by anything. ( Maybe it was  ‘colic’ initial stage, I didn’t know it then). And he had a severe nasal congestion that made things worse.

It was summer, And so we used Air conditioner as much as possible. (Chennai summer went up to 45 degrees) But that made the nasal congestion became severe. If we cut down the A. C the heat was unbearable. So the nights were always sleepless.

I was reminding myself  “I am a mom, ” and I should get used with this. I was worried “I will not be a perfect mom” or “how I am going to bring him up” etc.  I might have prepared myself If I had known that the first month would be a struggle for both the mom and the baby. ‘Sh1’ was the first grandchild on both sides and so I didn’t aware of this.

I was expecting my first month with a baby as shown in advertisements.  Smiling and playing with me But all he did was sleeping, eating (In his case drinking), Pooping on the diaper, Occasionally crying for attention and repeated the cycle.

Expecting moms, if you are scared by reading this, no this is not the case with every baby. ‘Sh2’ was my life saver. He started to sleep the whole night on his 2 nd week onwards.He used to sleep by 11 O’ clock.Did not wake up before 5 or 5.30. That’s 6 hours undisturbed sleep was ok for me(Its Grand. Isn’t It ??). I managed. ( But I was suffering from a different medical condition then and so couldn’t enjoy this) .  From starting onwards, he was a night sleeper, unlike his brother.So it depends on babies too(And ‘Karma’ too? I was a colic baby, and my mom suffered a lot because of me 😉  ).

There were no happy moments? Of course, though I suffered from sleepless nights & meaningless “mom worries” I forgot all my tiredness  When I saw his ‘lovely little face.’  ‘The cute little expressions,’ ‘the priceless yawning moments,’ ‘the way he slept by putting his one leg on other,’ I could watch him all the day & night. I was immensely happy if he stopped crying, the minute I hold him in my hand. He was ‘my precious gift’ sent from God. In between all those worries, I felt “I am the luckiest person in the world.” Motherhood is a blessing.Nothing could replace those happy moments.All those sufferings were worthwhile.

So all the new moms out there, like everything else “It’s just a phase.”Either way, the first month would soar away before you realize.So “Happy Motherhood/First Month.”

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.’

 

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